Im starting to wrap up my third week here in beautiful (and cold) Seoul, Korea. I must admit, I've put off writing this blog because so much has been going through my head the past week and it's been hard to know where to start.
I left off last time telling about the camp that I went to with my students. This past week we did the second half of it. To be honest, that week was one filled with intense emotions for me, ranging from intense anger to overwhelming love and joy. It was certainly a challenging experience, and one that I have not been able to get out of my head.
I'll let you in on a little of why I felt all this.
For starters, as I think I mentioned in my last post,there was a group that came in from the States that led the camp. I was a bit apprehensive about them my first week because of some of the things they were doing and saying. Nonetheless, I really tried to get over my differences. That was well and good until this past week started. To be honest,there were things said and done that I genuinely felt to be manipulative and damaging. Certain things within the program forced students to drag up a lot of dirty laundry from their pasts, things that no one there was qualified to deal with and you could tell the toll it took on the students. I'm naturally a protective person in general, but these students have had my heart for almost 3 years now and I love and care for them like they are my own family. Obviously I'm not a mother yet, but I think the way I feel about them is as close as I can get to feeling the way a mother does about her child. I want the best for them, would do anything for them, and want to protect them with every fiber of my being. Anyway, I felt that this program did not do the best for them and brought up a lot of unnecessary pain and hurt for them without having anyone properly trained there to deal with those kinds of things. I don't doubt that the group did have the best of intentions; I just don't think their plans were well thought out as to what kind of effect they may have and the situations these students have been in.
Since being back from her camp and having time to reflect, I think it has given me a better perspective on several things. For one, I think seeing how the group handled things gives me a good picture of how I should and shouldn't go about the ministry God has given me here. I never, ever, want to exploit my students, I never want to make them feel like they need to have certain emotional responses to things, I never want them to feel like I'm the "all-knowing American" here to solve their problems. I never want them to think that I don't want a relationship with them and that I don't care about them deeply. I do want to show them an accurate picture of God. I want them to know the realities of having a relationship with Jesus, even though some of those realities can be hard, such as sacrifice, purging yourself of sin, dying to yourself and living for Christ, etc.
Another lesson I think God was trying to teach me through all of this was that in life and in ministry,I am going to come across Christians that I disagree with. I will (and have) come across Christians that, to be honest, are really hard to get along with. I wouldn't doubt that I have been one of those Christians to other people as well. It's a reality and I think God is showing me the appropriate way to respond to those people. Honestly, I don't have a good, solid answer yet as to the best way to be in these situations. I do know that every single morning I was at camp that I had to write out prayers asking for God to give me patience with the people around me, to help me have a Godly attitude towards them, and also asking God to use them for His work and glory. It definitely helped. I still have a lot to learn about these things, no doubt.
Another major thing that struck me so hard while I was there and while I have been back is the crippling hurt and pain that almost every single student has endured. Ive heard a lot of stories from them before that are sad and have left me hurting for them ,but at camp, there were translators everywhere so that many were able to tell their full stories and have them understood. I heard so many stories of hurt, pain, loss, heartache, loneliness, burdens, and devastation. I honestly don't know how many of these students have kept going. I have no doubt that it is nothing short of the Lord holding the fibers of their beings together because otherwise, I think they would just fall apart because of the misery they've had to endure. It's particularly amazing when a student that is a Believer shares about their hardships but then praises God anyway. How profound is that? People that have experienced nearly every hardship imaginable, yet they praise His name anyway? How many of us have had nearly perfect lives, minimal hardships, maximum blessings, and don't do that? I know I am incredibly guilty of that. I really see these students as a true picture of The Beatitudes. " Blessed are the poor in spirit for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs." "Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted." The list goes on and on.
Despite any negative feelings I had throughout the week, last Friday was a pure joy. The class that I've had the privilege of teaching the past two summers graduated from high school. To help you see the gravity of this, you should first undertand a little of what they went through to accomplish this. They first had to escape their home country in the North, where most had a subpar education. Then they had to flee from there and cross through at least 2 different countries to get to a safe haven in which they would be sent to the South. This process took anywhere from 1-7 or 8 years at least. Most of that time they had to hide out in order not to be caught by authorities and repatriated to their home country where they would be imprisoned at best. After they found their new home in the South, they were faced with either going to school or working. As in America, one can only hope for a certain caliber of job without a high school degree, so school is the option for many. When in school, a lot of students are at an elementary school learning level. They have to catch up and work insanely hard to get to where they need to be. All the while, a good percentage of these students have no family in the South with them the encourage them and spur them on. They are doing these things alone. Also, studying in Korea and studying in America aretwo very different things. Doing well in school requires class from 9am to 5pm. Then, private studying and tutoring from 5:30pm until 11:00pm. Once they are home at 11, many study for an additional 3-4 hours and many sleep only 3-4 hours in order to get up early and study before school. It's intense to say the least.
As you can imagine, it was a big, big day for the graduating students. I was so unimaginably proud of them. It was such a big deal with all that they overcame to finally get there.
As for prayer requests, by biggest one is for the students. Please pray that God will move in them and heal them and help them see the absolute necessity for Him. Please pray especially for the guy students. Typically they are really hard and unresponsive, but it's very obvious God is starting to move in several of them . Pray that He will continue to change their hearts towards Him. Pray for them and me as well all start a new school term in a few days. Please pray that God will give me the wisdom and discernment to know how to best serve these students and tell and show them Gods love for them. Pray that I will not lose focus of the goal here.
Thank you all so much for your continuing love, prayers, and support. I miss you guys!
Love in Him,
Lyndsey
